Storms blowing through tonight. We went out for dinner and beat a fast retreat to the car as the black clouds rolled in and the heavy rain started to come down. By the time we were home, though, it had quieted down. There’s soft rain outside the window now, and trees down in the park. At least the humidity has abated.

Tired of my body being a worry. My cycle is all out of whack, but I’m trying not to stress it. Mainly I’ve been having trouble with food, and that really sucks. Tonight I spent a good hour curled up in pain. I go to the doctor on Thursday, and I’m going to see about changing my birth control. Neither of us really want to be parents any time soon.

It’s been a nice weekend, storms and pain notwithstanding. Friday night we were finally able to eat at Monkey, which was hella tasty. Someone had their dog with them on the patio, and the dog was definitely lusting after a martini. Picked up coffee at work (I felt bad because I took the weekend off but stopped in anyway), then watched Jungle Emperor Leo, which started out insanely cute but ended up just plain strange. Saturday we slept in, hung out, read on the porch, watched Return of the King (HOTT), then had pizza and played pool at Jupiter’s. I had a lot of fun, even though I’m miserably bad at pool. Might have to go there more often. Watched Scarlet Diva, which was crazy, and The Nightmare Before Christmas, which was adorable. Just lying together on the couch bed was sweet. I will be sad for the weekend to end.

So what’s coming up, now that I’ll be solo for a few weeks? Lots of work, and sleep, and work. BBQ tomorrow night with the kids before Shawn leaves. Jen is coming for the weekend. A bunch of us are going to see Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on Friday. Amanda might come for a week or two. Sarah and Hannah and I are going to Rockford the following weekend. Missy is on her own with Mark gone, so hopefully we’ll spend time together. My last day at work is Friday – hoofuckingrah.

Right now, though, I’m going to go drink some tea and curl up with my boy. xo-e


the rhythm

It’s like every other day – busy, quiet, busy, quiet, busy. Long hours of nothing, then concentrated craziness. I don’t remember when I blogged last. Two days of doubles, followed by 24 and sleeping in with the boy. Short day, then insane cleaning and cooking for meat night – cranberry-orange chicken, sesame-garlic green beans, cucumber noodles, a salad with tomatoes and avocado, and milano cookies with mango and raspberry sorbet. Some American Idol, then a reluctant but sweet sleepover. I can’t help that I want him there with me every night. Lunch with Sarah at Murphy’s, then customers at half-hour intervals until the last, then screaming children and not-listening customers and a million and a half things to do. Party for Elizabeth Baldridge and Isabel – some familiar faces, mainly strangers. Tasty food though. A free dresser in the alley, and a few minutes of quiet on the couch, then home for the night. He leaves on Tuesday, and I’m doing fine. Or at least better than I expected. Must sleep.

Green Beans with Sesame and Garlic

with many thanks to kfan and his mom

1 lb green beans, washed and trimmed
olive oil
3 large cloves garlic, minced
1 T sesame seeds
sesame oil
chopped ginger (optional)

Bring a large pot of water to boil. Fill a large bowl with ice water. Boil the beans for about 4 minutes. Transfer beans via slotted spoon to ice water. Drain and dry beans. Heat some olive oil in a large wok or pan. Add the beans and the sesame seeds and some tamari. Stir-fry over high heat, occasionally pressing the beans down with the spatula to char them. Remove from heat and put in a bowl. Heat some sesame oil and saute the garlic (and ginger) with some tamari, until soft. Remove from heat and pour over the beans.


I worked with the label girl again tonight – I found out that she just finished her degree in dance performance, and will be auditioning for a company in Chicago next month. Her boyfriend, the one with whom she hung out all Saturday night, is an opera singer and was in tonight, translating Don Giovanni. Wow.

I almost got a new free love seat, except it started storming on the way home. So much for that item of free furniture.

Also finally connected with my sister on the phone tonight. She’s watching Wonderland, which we watched over the weekend. She’s talking about coming down in a week, which would be really nice.

When I said that I lack the promise of a future, I wasn’t exactly clear. It’s not that there isn’t a future – that this relationship has nowhere to go – I guess what I meant to say is that this relationship – this life – doesn’t have a planned future. I’ve always had a shady five year plan or one year plan – now I’m constantly kept guessing. We could have such a life together – but right now those things are only dreams, not necessarily something to wait for.

It’s late, and I should sleep. I have another day of double shifts ahead of me. S’OK, I can use the money. Definitely. It’ll just be late cos I’m going to Shawn’s to watch 24 after Aroma. I’m hoping I can finagle the morning off. We’ll see….

Seen on the sidewalk on my walk home from work:



I’m not sure if those things were related, but they were in the same square of pavement. Weird town.

A night at work – shit for tips, and the girl I was working with spent 3 hours sitting at a table with her boyfriend making little labels for three perfectly good hand-written signs. I hate being the new person cos I feel like I don’t have any room to question other people’s behavior. Oh well, it’s not like I was really busy – but I would’ve liked a little while to sit down later in the evening.

A nice weekend so far. It’s late, I’m warm, and in a few minutes I’m going to head over to Shawn’s. Happy Saturday night, kids.

What’s been goin’ on

Not much, really. Trying to spend lots of time with the boy this next week before he leaves for the Academy after next weekend. Trying not to think about how blue I’m going to be when he’s gone. Watching a bunch of movies, blogging on the book club site, reading, eating things that are tasty but don’t necessarily make me happy, trying to stay cool. Working tonight – in half an hour, actually. That’s about it.

A long week already

Let me just tell you that closing-opening-closing-opening will wear on you. I worked 6-12:30 Sunday night, then went out for drinks for Kim’s birthday, meaning I didn’t get to bed until 2ish. Monday I worked 8:30-5:15, watched a few minutes of kickball, then worked 6-12:30, THEN took my car into the shop, getting to bed again around 2. Tuesday I worked 8:30-4, and then, by the grace of Ron, went home at 4 and took a nap. Yawn. I needed it. This is how two jobs will wear me down – not with the busyness, but with the physical exhaustion.

I gave my unofficial notice at work on Monday. I was worried that they’d be super pissed, but Mandy said she was expecting it – they called to check my reference last week. My last day at the bank will be June 4 – and I couldn’t be more pleased. Will I be sad to leave here? No. Will I miss the people I work with? Some of them. Will I miss my customers? Probably. But it’s fine. The ones I really like I can still visit.

I had my pre-employment physical at Carle this morning – I forgot to drink anything, so they had a wicked time finding my veins, but I survived. It will be strange going from being a face to a number again, but the anonymity is good too.

Finally got my car fixed. Shawn and I dropped it off Monday night after work – that was a debacle. I had misheard or misread the name of the service center, so in the middle of the night we were driving around looking for G&K service center, not TK. We eventually found it, and we picked the car up last night. My car is so much happier with the new belts, and I’m happier because it didn’t cost as much as I thought it would.

24 was freaking great last night – I can’t believe there’s only one episode left! There are rumours of a fourth season in the works – that would be interesting, but they need to get some fresh faces. At least certain people are dead and deffo won’t be around again…

Right now I feel a little like shit, and a little like my head might explode. My seasonal allergies have been punching me in the face, and the long hours and short sleeps haven’t helped. It usually goes this way – my allergies act up, then I don’t take care of myself, then I get dehydrated, then I get sick. I’m hoping to nip this one in the bud, though.

I’ve been reading a lot, though not as much as I’d like. I need to post to the book club site soon, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. I did, however, complete one of my resolutions by finishing The Chronicles of Narnia.

A few odd moments lately – moments of joy and depression, of separation and remembrance. Eva’s first anniversary was a year ago Monday, and that was strange for me. Monday night Sarah and Hannah and Shawn came to see me at work – watching them play games and read and laugh together apart from me made me feel like I was watching their life before I was a day-to-day part of it – the time together with friends, when the three of them were so very close. How much has changed in a year. And there have been times of intense happiness in the last week, and times of intense depression. I’m hoping the job change will alleviate some of the stress that has been causing the depression, but it’ll take more than that to fix everything. And maybe wisdom is learning when it’s best to just live with the unfixable.

For now, though, it’s almost time to go home. Tonight is the last episode of regular man’s Law & Order with Jerry Orbach, so that’s a definite must-see. I just want to relax and not think about money or goings-away or my body for a bit. I think that’s an OK request for the night.

a rare mood

A few minutes to post before I have to head out the door to work – so this may be brief.

Friday was such a hellaciously busy day at work – I wanted to talk to my boss, but there just wasn’t time. We’ll be busy for a few more days, I suspect, and then it will be dead for the duration of the summer, or at least until the students start coming back in droves. Thank God I’ll be gone by then. Got off work, still in a rare mood, and went home to see about the plans for the evening – dinner at Jillian’s, then out to Nargile. One blase comment had me in tears again, and I took the hottest shower I could stand to snap out of it. A quiet hour at the boy’s, then we met Sarah and Hannah (recently returned from Florida) at Jillian’s. A nice night, though the cover was too much and the dj sucked – but it was nice to be out and to dance a little while.

Slept in Saturday – spent most of the day just lounging around reading and watching the boy play video games. Later in the grey day we went to see Troy, which wasn’t as horrible as it could’ve been (also not as good). It was v pretty to look at and they remembered Aeneas, but apparently the director thought all the business with the gods was too silly to include. I actually have never read the Iliad, and should really be about that one of these days. Hmm. Dinner at Courier, then home to watch Best in Show, which was great, but not as good as A Mighty Wind.

This morning we slept in again and I read a couple of books. Shawn played Zelda and obsessed over his blog. We sat on the porch for a while. It’s so nice out and I don’t want to go to work, but I know it will make the evening pass quickly. I mainly don’t want to go back to work tomorrow, but such is the way of things. Not everyone can be on summer break. Hope you had a lovely weekend.

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

2 pie crusts
1 lb rhubarb – approximately 3 cups
1 pint strawberries, halved
1 1/4 C sugar
5 T flour
1/4 t nutmeg
2 T butter

Combine rhubarb and strawberries. Sprinkle with sugar, flour, and nutmeg. Toss lightly. Put in pie shell. Dot with butter. Put on top crust, flute, and vent. Bake at 350F for 45-60 minutes.

to make you smile

Jim Croce’s List of Things It Would Be Imprudent To Do

New Punctuation Mark Approved for Use

Jakob Nielsen Declares the Letter “C” Unusable

Google Releases Print Edition

Pirate Wisdom

A Little Book of Pirates

Yes, I’m trying to distract myself as well. It’s easier to be here knowing that it won’t be forever – which is what it felt like before – but I’m still drained and emotional. On my lunch break I’m going to get some coffee and pick up my new mp3 player. My pre-employment physical is scheduled for next Wednesday, so I should be able to turn in my notice next Friday. Another week in silence, then two more weeks of work, then I’m done.