1. When did shirt manufacturers or designers decide that women need to wear multiple shirts at all times? If it is warm enough to wear short sleeves, I do not want to have to wear another shirt underneath in order to be modest and/or hide any unsightly bulges. I’d like the option of the second shirt, but not the requirement. Ditto during tank top weather.

2. So since we’ve all decided that wearing multiple shirts is The Thing To Do, I suppose it follows that all shirts must be made of the thinnest material possible while still retaining some degree of opacity.  This results in shirt shoppers picking up, say, a dark purple top, then realizing that her bits and pieces can still be seen through said dark purple top, requiring the second shirt.  Which will also be tissue thin, and may require a third shirt to achieve the desired degree of opacity.

3. I suppose it follows, then, that we should make these shirts long enough to cover bellies (appreciated), but also long enough that they might peek out from under the shirt that will be on top (assuming 2+ shirts in play at any given time).  This means that any number of shirts will be covering the waistband and/or belt of whatever bottoms are worn, resulting in unsightly bulges OR in pants that fall off, if one chooses to omit the belt.

4. With this bewildering series of shirt decisions made, it is no surprise that one might think that tights can be worn in lieu of pants.  One’s fruited bottom is mostly covered by the overly long collection of shirts one is required to wear to reach the desired degree of modest opacity.  And since one will already be plenty warm owing to the plethora of tops, why add to the hot mess with heavy bottoms?

This is the sort of sartorial logic that is Accepted As Truth by contemporary clothing manufacturers advertising to the 18-35 set – while also being deplored by the latter end of the 18-35 set as impractical, expensive, and ridiculous.  Case in point:

Don’t be this hipster.  Let’s bring back shirts that have at least a slight chance of flattering any body.  And for god’s sake, tights are not pants.