I wonder if parenthood is an exercise against futility. I’m feeling a lot of that these days, and I found myself wondering that late last night.

I’m struggling because yesterday I gave up my beloved baby cat Gypsy. She went to live with my brother Mark. This will be the best thing for all of us, I think – I will be without the stress of trying to clean up after her accidents all the time, Mark gets a cat that he absolutely adores, and Gypsy gets a good home that isn’t the Humane Society – but it was still horridly hard. She was so sweet last night – and cute and good. It broke my heart to give her up, but I know it was the right thing.

And I’m worrying about my other cat because this is the first time he’s been alone. He’s managing just fine so far by pestering the hell out of me, and in the middle of the night we had to have a talk about not launching himself off my side after the catnip mousie. In fact, there will be no launching off me period. But before the launching he was sad and snuggly, and I hope he’ll be OK.

And – I don’t know. My friends are struggling, and I can’t help. My cat is lonely, and I have to work. The boy that I love is far away and having a hard time, and I can do nothing but wait for him to need me, and hope he knows I’m here for him. I just feel like my hands are tied.

So I find myself in a bit of a quandary.

I brought my cats home from Rockford this weekend. They’ve been here 36 hours, and already Gypsy’s had an accident. Some would say, yes, they’ve made a big transition, she’s just getting settled, she might be confused. But no, this cat’s been doing this for four years. A number of times over the last four years we’ve broken down, considered getting rid of her, considered taking her back to the farm from whence she came – and each time we broke down further and couldn’t do it.

Now I’m wondering if this is the time. She is the cutest, sweetest, softest, funniest babykat I’ve ever seen or spent time with. She is very affectionate and funny and has a soft white belly. She is happy most of the time, and loves attention.

She has also ruined two futons and a couch through accidents, and another couch through scratching. I’ve thrown away blankets and clothes due to the same. Before that was – if not OK at least manageable most of the time. Now I’m broke and simply don’t have the resources to repair, launder, or replace the things she will ruin (because I know it’ll happen).

So it seems like I have a couple of choices:
1. Keep her and deal with it.
2. See if Nate wants her back.
3. See if someone else wants to take her.
4. Take her to the Humane Society.

The reason I think this is the time to do it is that I haven’t had her for several months and I’m not so emotionally attached right now that I couldn’t do it. I would cry, yes, and feel terrible – but I’m strong enough to do it. Friends, what should I do?