Rob Brezny gets me

I started my new job on Monday, and so far I feel really good about things! I already have responsibilities, meetings on the calendar, projects to work on – such a change from my last job, where I spent a year feeling totally stagnant. For maybe the first time since leaving Illinois, I feel like I really want to be here, and that’s a really good thing.

As a result, yesterday’s Free Will Astrology really rang true:

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In his parody music video, “Sickest Buddhist,” comedian Arj Barker invokes a hip hop sensibility as he brags about his spiritual prowess. Noting how skilled he is when it comes to mastering his teacher’s instructions, he says, “The instructor just told us to do a 45-minute meditation / but I nailed it in 10.” I expect you will have a similar facility in the coming week, Capricorn: Tasks that might be challenging for others may seem like child’s play to you. I bet you’ll be able to sort quickly through complications that might normally take days to untangle.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past,” said comedian Lily Tomlin. I recommend that you make this a keynote during the next six months. According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you will have the best opportunity you’ve had in a long time to put some of your unsettling memories to sleep for good. This is your big chance to graduate from old anxieties that can never be resolved. You’re finally ready to declare your independence from messy burdens and maddening riddles that have haunted you.

I’m not sure what exactly Free Will Astrology is trying to tell me, but it seems like the cosmos wants me to be broken wide open and, like, deep down in my vulnerabilities, struggles, and fears in 2011. I’m not sure I’m ready for that.

What I am ready – or really want to be ready – for is to find some kind of peace with all of the things in my life over which I have no control. I was thinking about this last night as I was trying so hard to fall asleep after two restless nights. I don’t know where that peace comes from, but I’d like a generous helping of it for my birthday. Also ice cream.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “We have to stumble though so much dirt and humbug before we reach home,” wrote novelist Herman Hesse. “And we have no one to guide us. Our only guide is homesickness.” That’s the bad news, Capricorn. The good news, according to my analysis, is that 2011 could very well be the year that your homesickness drives you all the way home. For best results, keep this tip in mind: To get the full benefit of the homesickness, you shouldn’t suppress it. Only by feeling it deeply, as a burning, grinding ache, will you be able to ride it all the way home.

I have been in search of home since we left Champaign more than three years ago. My heart’s desire is to find it. Maybe this year.

Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter – August 18, 2010

I feel like this is very much where I was two years ago as we were getting ready to move from the awful high rise to Alexandria, as I had turned down what might’ve been a good job in order to stay in a job where I was frustrated but productive, as we were starting to really feel settled.  I’m not quite there yet, but Rob Brezsny is giving me hope.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The poet Jean Perrin dreamed “of marrying the dawn with the light of the moon,” and I invite you to do the same. The darkness you’ve been immersed in will leave you soon. As it does, please don’t forsake the pale, moon-like radiance that has provided you with a bit of guidance and consolation. Rather, bring along what it has taught you as you head into the far brighter phase you’re entering. In other words, retain some of the wisdom the dim light has compelled you to learn.

Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter – June 30, 2010

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): What are the toughest pairs of opposites in your life, Capricorn? What are the polarities whose different sides rarely resonate with each other and too often threaten to split you in half? One of the distinguishing characteristics of 2010 is the fact that you are getting unprecedented chances to bring them together in ringing harmony, or at least a more interesting tension. What have you learned so far about how to work that magic? And how can you apply it in even craftier ways during the next six months?

Knees and Grace

I went running after work yesterday on already sore knees, and within half a mile, I had to stop.  The hills hurt too much.  I walked until I found a relatively flat route, and then put in almost two miles before I had to quit altogether.  I walked the rest of the distance home, arriving drenched in sweat and on the verge of angry sobs.  I hate feeling out of control.  I hate that I might not be able to do my first 10K in two weeks.  I hate that I have to admit that something might actually be wrong with my knees.  I turned the fan on full bore and stood in front of it in my sports bra, feeling terribly sorry for myself.

And then I read this:

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Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter – May 26, 2010

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’re not living in Iraq or Sudan or the Congo, and you don’t have to walk five miles a day with a jug on your head to fetch the water you need, and you’re not so bereft of food that you have to resort to eating worms and tree bark. So how bad could your problems be? The single best thing you can do to start fixing your life’s small glitches is to feel waves of gratitude for how many resources you have and how lucky you are. The second best thing would be to aggressively take your worried attention off yourself and turn your mind toward people who could really benefit from your help. As you carry out those two assignments, your dilemmas will begin to solve themselves as if by magic.

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I want my life to be full of the sort of grace that comes from aggressively taking my worried attention off myself, and turning my mind toward others.

Making the Magic Happen

I still don’t know how much credence I give to these things, but the last two Astrology Newsletters have really resonated with me and where I am right now – emphasis below is mine.

Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter – May 12, 2010

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): These days you have an extraordinary capacity to perform magic. And when I use that word “magic,” I mean it in a very specific sense: causing practical changes to occur in accordance with your most noble and beautiful desires. I’m not talking about the kind of “magic” that helps you gratify mediocre wishes or tawdry fantasies. I’m not saying you should go on an acquisitive binge as you gather up booty and bragging points. Rather I’m letting you know that you have the power to create inspiring transformations in the way your life works.

May 19, 2010

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Is Fast Food Too Tempting?” read a headline in *The Week* magazine. The accompanying article discussed whether people have the right to blame and even sue McDonald’s and Burger King for their health problems. In my opinion, we might as well add other allegedly appealing poisons to the discussion. “Is heroin too tempting?” “Is cheating on your lover or spouse too tempting?” “Is watching TV five hours a day too tempting?” I hope you’re seeing where I’m going with this, Capricorn. The coming weeks will be a good time to take personal responsibility for any supposedly fun activity you’re doing that warps your character or saps your energy. It’s prime time to end your relationship with stuff that’s bad for you.

Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter > April 28, 2010

“CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): What excites you? What makes you itch with a longing to be surprised? What fills you to the brim with curiosity and an agitated sense of wonder? You may not know even half of what you could potentially realize about these matters. Have you ever sat down and taken a formal inventory? Have you ever dedicated yourself to figuring out all the things that would inspire you most? Do it sometime soon, please; attend to this glorious task. According to my reading of the omens, it’s prime time to do so.”

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This couldn’t possibly be more timely.

“CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In his book *The Way of Transition,* William Bridges defines the “neutral zone” as “that in-between time, after you’ve let go of your old life and before you have fully discovered and incorporated your new life.” Sound familiar? Maybe the neutral zone where you’re currently simmering isn’t as dramatic as that — maybe you haven’t been stripped of every single certainty and you’re not wandering in limbo. But I suspect you have at least let go of one aspect of your old familiar rhythm and have yet to ease into the one that’ll be familiar in the
future. My advice? Don’t rush it. Get all you can out of this unique and educational time in the neutral zone.”

Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter, December 9, 2009

Rob Brezsny’s Astrology Newsletter

November 18, 2009

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “There is a saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears,” writes Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book *Women Who Run with the Wolves.* But the magic of that formula may not unfold with smooth simplicity, she says: “The teacher comes when the soul, not the ego, is ready. The teacher comes when the soul calls, and thank goodness — for the ego is never fully ready.” I’d love it if the information I just provided encouraged you to feel right at home with the jarring yet nurturing lessons that are on the way.