the hardest part

Very often now I read something about parenting or being a parent and find myself nodding in recognition. How hard it is. How wonderful it is. How fleeting it is. How you don’t really understand until you do it. All of these things are true, except when they’re not.

And then sometimes I read something and it feels so sharp and so true to where I am right now, in this specific moment of parenting that I find myself leaving the tab open, the page pulled up on my phone, the book laid face down with a breaking spine on the table.

I read this excerpt from this post today, and got tears in my eyes because that was me at 6am this morning, lying warm and cozy in bed between my sleeping baby son and his sleeping father, needing to get up and start my day, but with an equally urgent need to stay right there.

But then I lie beside my sleeping six month-old son and he instinctively rolls towards me. He holds my hand as he nurses. I stare at his face and think, “Please don’t grow up. Please. This moment needs to last for the rest of my life.” My heart wants two things at once and I suspect it always will.

Thanks to Coffee + Crumbs for this moment of recognition, of knowing I’m not alone in wanting everything all at once.

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