Perhaps someone should write What to Expect When Your Sibling is Expecting. I don’t know what I was expecting with regards to my sister giving birth, but it certainly wasn’t this:
Waves of every single emotion at once. Waiting by the phone. Obsessively reloading her Facebook profile in hopes of news, and now in hopes of photos of the little guy that we don’t get to meet for another few weeks. Happiness. Jealousy, not because I don’t have a baby of my own, but because her family now includes a perfect little boy, because she has experienced things I haven’t experienced and can’t understand. Sadness that we don’t live closer, that I won’t be able to be a more regular part of his life. Wondering what my role will be in his life. Relief and thankfulness that everyone came through (and out) OK. Getting choked up at the DMV watching mothers accompanying teen sons who are getting their permits. Getting choked up at pictures of my dad holding my nephew, so similar to pictures of my dad holding me – the joy on his reserved face. Realizing that I am the same age now as my beloved aunt was when I was born, and hoping that I can be as special and wonderful to my nephew as she has been to me. Wishing I could do more to help. Love. So much love.