Dear Patron,

If you’re calling and there’s no answer, please leave a message.  I can’t help you if you don’t leave a message.  It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you – it’s just that I’m helping someone else.

Really, I can’t do anything for you unless you leave a message.  I’m sorry that you feel that you have to hang up after three rings.  It’s really not going to do either of us any good if you do that.  We’ll both just get annoyed and frustrated, and it will be a negative experience for us both.

My dear patron, just leave a message.  Oh, and when you do leave a message, please leave your name AND your phone number and maybe, if you feel like it, some indication of why you were calling.  It’s better for us both when you do that.

Love,
Elizabeth