future panic?

I spent half the afternoon in a working group meeting that included my boss’s boss, people from NCSA, and the CIO for the university. I spent approximately 2/3rds of the meeting quietly having a panic attack. My part went well, though – I felt calm and confident because the stuff I was talking about? That’s MY stuff. I know that stuff inside and out, and I tend to forget that until I’m under the gun to present.

Now I’m in the office and am having more quiet panic attacks as for the first time I’m really worrying about what’s going to happen in the next six months. I have no contingency plans because every single indicator points to staying here in a professional or academic (or both) capacity – but what if…..?

On an unrelated note, I feel like things are going to change in the next month. I’m not sure what that means yet, but a change is in the wind.

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