We are scared till the blood in our veins runs thin and we must hop from one person to the next because to stay is too unbearably exactly what we want.
– Tess Slesinger, The Unpossessed


To continue with the long low-on-content posts, here’s my list of 25 things I’d like to do while 25. A number of these are things I’ve done before, but would like to do again this year. I may actually cheat and start early. That’s what goals are for, right? 🙂

1. make pie crust from scratch.
2. start grad school.
3. sleep outdoors at least once.
4. knit a sweater.
5. finish don quixote.
6. drink a gin & tonic.
7. learn how to ballroom dance.
8. take a vacation.
9. learn how to make sushi.
10. meet (in person) five online friends.
11. find a bigger/better living space.
12. have a memorable first kiss (or just a memorable kiss, period).
13. get a professional massage.
14. make a budget and stick to it.
15. spend more time with my grandparents.
16. visit oday in france.
17. take more photos (not of myself).
18. write letters to my parents.
19. buy new towels.
20. see nine inch nails live (if they tour).
21. learn how to curl my hair.
22. unpack the boxes in my corner before i move again.
23. improve my foaming skills.
24. make art.
25. do something fun on my birthday.

30 by 30

So our internal network is down at work right now, and I’m bored, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I am doing with my life, and the things I’d like to be doing. A couple of years ago I compiled a list of things to do by 30, per Keri Smith’s list, and so instead of finding productive things to do, I updated my list. I’m also making a less serious and more fun list of 25 things to do in my 25th year – with my birthday coming up in January, I think I have time to plan. 🙂 So, without further ado:

30 by 30
1. spend a summer abroad.
2. go to morocco.
3. spend a week in paris in the springtime.
4. take a vacation on each coast
5. see a show on broadway.

6. finish (or start, for that matter) graduate school.
7. read don quixote.
8. learn spanish.
9. have something published.
10. learn arabic.

Goals with tangible results:
11. finish the quilt grandma and i started when i was 10.
12. have a successful vegetable garden.
13. knit socks.
14. paint a room red.
15. develop a “signature” dish or menu.

16. go camping and keep my freaking out to a minimum.
17. follow a band on tour (again).
18. win at pub quiz.
19. stay out clubbing til the sun comes up.
20. attend a “black tie” event.

Personal ‘improvement’:
21. build a fun yet professional wardrobe.
22. get some sort of computer certification.
23. build credit.
24. learn to live on a budget.
25. join a gym (and go regularly).

Defying easy categorization:
26. fall in love.
27. win an award.
28. have a well-stocked wine cellar.
29. perform music in some sort of live setting (not karaoke).
30. have a child.

(x-posted to my lj)

right now

This article says a lot of what I’m thinking and feeling. I’m frustrated by the incredible divide that makes talking about politics or “the issues” with my family difficult – and nearly impossible for some of my friends and their families. I feel like my hands are tied, and I don’t know where to start. Moving to Canada was half-seriously suggested to me by my uncle, and I immediately rejected the suggestion because running away would mean accepting defeat. I want to make change happen. I just don’t know where to start.

I’m just – distracted these days, I guess. I’m trying to work on my novel, but it just isn’t coming. I can’t get behind the story, and even making it more personal isn’t helping. I sit here in front of the laptop and just – stare until I get distracted by the TV or my email or my own exhaustion. Saturday afternoon I nearly tossed the entire thing to start over – I’m feeling that way again tonight. Week Three’s supposed to be the really bad one, but the NaNo doldrums are hitting me early this year.

As of right now I am officially off work until Thursday, which is an amazing feeling after working six weeks straight. I’m heading home for a couple of days – a whirlwind trip with nearly every minute planned out, but it’ll be a nice change of scenery. I get to see Ludo tomorrow night in Madison – the last show of their fall tour – and will get to spend quality time with my family – my sister in particular.

I don’t know. I feel – more grown up right now than I have in a long time. And that’s kind of odd. Much love to all – I’ll be back in a few days.