I had a weird half-hour or so this afternoon where I felt entirely out of touch with my body. Something happened, and I was freaked out and shaky, and rather than just chilling and calming down, I went on with my day. I wandered around Meijer in a bit of a daze, really out of it and a little scared of everything around me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before. It was a really strange feeling.
I’ve been on Paxil about a week now, and I wonder if it’s doing anything. I wondered the same thing when I was on Lexapro a year ago – if the drugs I was putting in my body were actually doing anything or if my mental state was just improving on its own. I suppose this week probably hasn’t been the best on which to judge changing mental and/or emotional states. I really wore myself thin this week between the move and work and unpacking and spending time with Shawn and such – to bed after 1 and up at 7 every day. I feel steadier, though, and I’ve laughed a lot in the last 24 hours between general silliness and good times with Shawn and the bizarre-itude that is reading Seventeen magazine with Megan at work.
I don’t know. Maybe I question these things too much. *shrugs* What I definitely know is that I need to take better care of myself – physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, etc. My diet has been complete and utter shit the entire summer. I haven’t had any regular exercise in months. My sleep is still fucked, and going to bed late isn’t helping. I’m going to try to change all of that, though. I’m hoping to start doing yoga in the fall. I’m going to cook more, and (attempt to) go out less. I need to figure out what’s going on with my body, and I can’t do that while I’m treating it like shit.