looking for a savior between these dirty sheets

My mixy disc. I’m sure I’m leaving stuff out, but this is what I came up with. Discs available upon request. Now tell me who you are – and what I’ve left out. (x-posted from my LJ)

1. Simon & Garfunkel – America. This is the sort of music I grew up with – S&G, Judy Collins, etc. This reminds me of high school, and of the little hippie girl I used to be. Of jasmine and patchouli summers, and long hair, and trying to find my place. Of coming of age, I guess. Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike/They’ve all come to look for America.
2. Ani DiFranco – Untouchable Face. I never really got into Ani until recently, and she’s still growing on me. And I know there are lots of better songs, but this one is me, through and through. i could make you happy you know/if you weren’t already/i could do a lot of things/and i do. Bitter and sweet, yearning and frustration. I know all those things well.
3. Cat Stevens – Father and Son. Summer between high school and college, and the years that followed in which I struggled for my independence, and my parents struggled to let me grow. All the times that I’ve cried/keeping all the things I knew inside/It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it/If they were right I’d agree/But it’s them they know not me
4. The Tea Party – The Messenger. 2000. I’m in London. I’m alone and out in the world. I have a chance encounter with Tea Party in Paris that leads to a not-chance encounter in London, that leads to an incredible “lost weekend” in Amsterdam. And time and time again since then this song has reinvented itself for me as I hear it in different contexts.
5. Pink Floyd – Fearless. The summer I was 15 was the last best summer at CHBC. We were a really small, really tightly knit group of kids who didn’t really want to be there – but deep down inside we wouldn’t have been anywhere else. We stayed up all night to watch the sunrise – we broke the rules – we had an incredibly memorable week. Dave found me one night and asked if I knew this song, then played it for me. He told me I had the voice of an angel, and we sang this song together for our friends.
6. Fiona Apple – Criminal. Summer of 1997 – the summer between high school and college, the summer of much turmoil and heartache. I didn’t know what I wanted, and I made choices I didn’t understand.
7. Ace of Base – My Deja Vu. April 1996. Coming home from Paris for the first time, thinking of the boy I met in the disco the previous night. I listened to this song obsessively for months. I wanna feel you with my senses/’Cause I’m almost sure the texture of your skin/Is gonna tell me who you are. Like I had any idea what that meant at 16.
8. Faithless – Insomnia. 1997. I can’t get no sleep. A clip from this song was in the radio bit for Zero Gravity, a place associated with so many random memories. I remember dancing there the first night Sarah and I went out, coming home with my hair and clothes full of glitter. Perhaps the beginning of my infatuation with house music.
9. Dido – Who Makes You Feel. This song has attitude, and I love it. This is one I turn up LOUD LOUD LOUD in my car and sing along – one I put on repeat for days on end. Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel/Who loves you and knows you the way I do/Who touches you and holds you quite like I do/Who makes you feel like I make you feel. It’s pride – and possession – but those things with a sultriness that wins me over every time. I don’t want to be a bitch – but I want to be the only one to make you feel like I make you feel.
10. Third Eye Blind – I Want You. This was a hard call because this entire album is 1997 for me – it’s too bad I can’t have an entire 3EB musical interlude here. Reminds me of Adam, of James, of the first month in the dorms with Mayra. Reminds me of me. You said to live this way is not for the meek/And like a jazz DJ you talk me into sleep/I said there will be no regrets when the worms come.
11. Damien Rice – Volcano. I kissed your mouth. What 3EB was to 1997, Damien Rice has been for 2003-4. Shawn sent me Volcano about two weeks after the party, two days before my world would change entirely. Shawn wrote somewhere that Damien says the things he’s feeling – or maybe he didn’t realize he felt them until he heard Damien. It’s the same way for me. The album had to grow on me, though at first listen I was utterly devastated – and then even the weaker tracks became so essential to me. Volcano is it for this disc, though, because What I give to you/Is just what I’m going through/This is nothing new/No no just another phase of finding what I really need/Is what makes me bleed. Burns right through to the heart of me.
12. Sarah McLachlan – Elsewhere. For some dark places. I know this love is passing time/passing through like liquid/I’m drunk in my desire…/but I love the way you smile at me/I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near… I understand this song so much better now than I did at 18, yet it is no more or less essential than it was then. Then it was just gorgeous – now I fully understand the drunkenness of desire. I understand the yearning. And I understand having to defend those things.
13. Melissa Ferrick – Everything I Need. Sarah gave me the lyrics to this song after she’d suffered a particularly rough first semester of grad school. It’s all about empowerment, about being OK, about realizing the person you are is pretty damned great. I played this for Mary and Amanda and Jen at Christmas – I can think of no better way to say I love you than to give the sort of peace that this song talks about. Everything I need/is right here in my hands.
14. NIN – The Perfect Drug. An odd choice, but I had to have some hella hot Trent. This song entrances me more than Closer ever could. And I want you.
15. Ludo – Hum Along. Another song from Shawn. He sent it to me while I was at work – I went to the website and read the lyrics while listening and just crying and crying. I don’t know if we have a song that is “ours” – but this song was there at the very beginning, and continues to break my heart time and again. It isn’t right/for me to paint your picture every night/but I do/It feels so wrong/to sing this song/but maybe somehow you’ll hear me/and hum along.
16. The Beatles – In My Life. I freaking love this song. In my life/I love you more. Always have. Always will. There are many Beatles songs that are better, but this one is it for me.
17. Portishead – Glory Box. It’s all about sexiness and the slow burn and swaying hips in a smoky room. It’s about letting go, giving in, surrendering. It’s about pleasure. I wanna be a woman.
18. Lizzie West – Chariots Rise. Another one I’ll put on repeat over and over again, and probably my favorite love song. What a fool am I/To fall so in love/What a wonderful dream/It seems to be/’Cause I love him.

0 thoughts on “looking for a savior between these dirty sheets

  1. i am computer illiterate… but what i was trying to say is that i posted my list on my site… and it’s a very random mix, which is appropriate, i suppose. i will try not to delete this comment.


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