It’s late-ish, and I’m awake. Maybe it’s the cold, maybe it’s the coffee, maybe it’s just the excessive sleep from the weekend – but here I am, when I should be asleep.

Ever have those moments when you question if you’re really a “grown-up”? I feel like I was more of an adult before – like I was doing more “grown up” things with my life in my old life, and I’m not sure why that is. Maybe I felt like I was on a more responsible track before – getting a real job, getting married, buying a house, planning for the future, etc. All of that changed when I moved out, when I moved here. I love my life and I’m making no complaints – I feel like I’m in a more adult relationship now, despite the inherent silliness, than I was before – I feel like I’m more in charge of my life than before – but sometimes I feel like I’m just a kid and I’m playing at an adult’s life, you know? Like this couldn’t possibly be real – but it totally is.

Shawn’s back after a weekend at home. I feel so lame missing him, but I don’t know what I can do about it. I know so many people in long distance relationships – or just out of them – and it makes me feel doubly lame when I think about my friend Michelle crying at work because she misses her husband who is in Iraq and will be there for at least another nine months. I guess I’m just spoiled. He’ll be gone for a month or so for the academy in June, and I’ll have to learn to be less lame, I guess.

Today was a decent day, all in all. I went to breakfast with Sarah and Hannah – soooooo tasty, though I was feeling a little wonky. Came home around noon and puttered around here most of the afternoon – did my laundry, cleaned my closet, put together some stuff for the Salvation Army, watched longingly as some boys grilled out in the park. I meant to play on the swings, but never got over there. I walked over to Shawn’s later, and he forced me to watch the god-awful Dreamcatcher, which was fascinating along the same lines as a train wreck. If I hadn’t fallen in love with the Dark Tower series, this movie might make me swear off Stephen King for life. Fortunately the evening was redeemed with reading, Law & Order, soup, and generally nice time spent with the boy. He brought me home an hour or so ago, and I’ve just been chilling (literally and figuratively) ever since. It should be a nice week – Ben Folds tomorrow, the seder dinner Wednesday, the Voice reading Thursday, then Friday off and Damien in Indy. Now, sleep.

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