wondering

Cait referred to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as being “emotionally obliterating.” Sitting in the theatre in the half-dark with tears running down my cheeks, I completely agreed. I wish I could describe all the things I was feeling. Kate Winslet’s character was so many people I’ve known – she works at Barnes & Noble, and in so many ways was an amalgamation of many of the girls I worked with there – stunningly individualistic, ravishingly beautiful, so insecure of who they were and who they wanted to be, trying to make themselves more interesting or more wonderful by being deliberately different. But what got me more than anything was Jim Carrey’s character’s struggle against the erasure he had requested. As his memories are erased, he begs the technicians (from the inside of his head, on the other side of sleep) to stop, to let him keep just this one tender memory, let him keep this one piece of her – and of course they don’t, so inside his head he and Clementine (Winslet) race through his older memories, trying to find a place to hide her, just a bit of her. And I found myself wondering if people from my past would erase me, if they had the opportunity. And I recognized myself in Joel (Carrey)’s unwillingness to lose the memories of the person he was so very ready to be rid of. The movie was so, so good.

And my night was good too. Work was slow (surprise), and after mutting through $60,000.00, they sent me home around 4:15. Took a quick shower, then met Shawn at Borders for a little while. He got me my wonderful Marshmallow bunny, and we collected random free things from the “educator” table. What I really want to know is how anyone’s going to use the Ra album in their classroom? Hmm, it went home with me instead. Yay for free stuff. Dinner at Miko, where the waitress was fun and complimented me on my Hello Kitty necklace, then we went to the movie. Wonderful. Stopped by my place to grab movies and such afterwards, and it was so pretty and foggy in the park that we decided to walk from there. It was terribly romantic and pretty and I felt like I was running away from home. Oh, and my sandal broke a couple of blocks from Shawn’s, so I had to limp a little bit. We watched Adaptation, which I have somehow owned for almost a year but have never actually watched. I really liked it – it was awkwardly beautiful, and I really want to read The Orchid Thief, though I realize it will probably bear little resemblence to the film.

Right now I’m hanging out on the couch while Shawn is playing video games and we’re listening to one of his random cd finds from yesterday. I finished A World of My Own yesterday and am now almost done with Douglas Coupland’s Souvenirs of Canada. Did you know Coupland also has a book called God Hates Japan? I had no idea. He’s got a new novel coming out in the winter, as well as a second volume of Souvenis of Canada. Should be pretty freaking great. I suppose I should really finish all the books I’m still reading, but instead I’m going to start Paris to the Moon and/or Why I Write. Tonight is dinner for Sam’s birthday at The Great Impasta (which is not in Maine, contrary to Shawn’s current link), then tomorrow we’re dyeing Easter eggs and making cookies at my place with Sarah and Hannah. Should be a nice weekend.

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A quick blog while I wait for my coffee to perk. It’s rainy here, and a cool breeze is blowing through my apartment. Lovely. Yesterday was a nice day – work was wicked boring and featured such boredom-busters as me climbing in the Sixth Street window to take down decorations while wearing a short skirt. No worries, I’ve done such things before in the Wonderland window – except there I always was on a ladder, not actually climbing into a little window box. It was entertaining, if nothing else, and Neil and I had fun speculating on what horrific things would go up next. Shawn was at my place when I got home – how nice it’s been to come home to him this week – and we hung out for a while, then went to the kids’ for dinner. They made chicken stuffed with feta and pesto, scalloped potatoes, and other tastiness. It was nice to just hang out – we haven’t all been in one place in a couple of weeks owing to schedules and such. Hannah was up for going out, so the four of us went to Nargile and smoked a hookah – and I finally figured out why I could never get mine to work. Now I just have to locate the charcoal. 🙂 It was a nice night and we felt like dancing – talked about summer plans – Sarah and I were accused of seeing everything through a Rockford filter – and we headed home around 11ish. Shawn spent the night, and that was wonderful as well.

And of course we see things through a Rockford filter – that is our common experience, and that is where I’ve spent almost the entirety of my adulthood. I’m sorry that filter excludes some – I’m sure everyone has their own sort of filter, be it their undergrad experience, their current grad school experience (don’t get me started), where they came from, etc. It’s just that we happen to have ten years of history together, which is a pretty fun filter in and of itself. That’s what best friends do. I guess we’re like people who always talk about living in New York or Chicago or some other big city – except not as cool, cos it’s Rockford. 🙂

Things I have done today:

  • Blogged for Gypsy.
  • Finished my non-degree application.
  • Thought about hating my job.
  • Looked for a new job.
  • Had lunch with the boy.
  • Meat night – just the two of us, but tasty cranberry chicken stuff.
  • Made my bed.
  • Enjoyed the fresh air.
  • The end of a long day, and I’m exhausted. Court went well – I was out of there by 2ish and on my way to the bank, then to the DMV. My drivers’ license photo looks like I have my mouth full of food, but otherwise it was pretty painless. The proceedings were sad but quick – I think the hardest part was listening to the other cases. I made a bunch of breathless phone calls while walking down the street – I was exhausted and excited and relieved and destressed and sad all at once. Part of me wishes I’d had someone to come with me – but grown ups have to do sad and icky things sometimes, and they’ve gotta be able to do them on their own.

    Hung out at Espresso for a while, then Shawn met me and we went to ghetto Thai aka Golden Wok for dinner – they reopened yesterday after being closed for several months – someone drove into their entryway around Christmas. I really wanted to celebrate tonight, but there was much work to do just before break for all my friends, so the celebration will wait. I came home pretty early and rearranged my bedroom and my books – the apartment is still a mess, but now there’s some form of order in the book craziness. I’m prepping dinner – I’ve made both sets of potatoes – and am drinking a Smirnoff Twisted V Cranberry (hella tasty). I’m going to finish up the dishes then head to bed.

    It’s been a long day, and I’m feeling a lot of things – sadness, relief, exhaustion, happiness, regret, bliss. Things will continue to work things out as they have over the last few months. I’m infinitely grateful for all that have stood by me – and all my new friends. I have so much. I only wish the same for him. Hooray for freedom. I’m off to bed.

    A call to action

    A note from the Chambana community:

    “UIUC all campus student VOTE
    Just a friendly reminder for all the UIUC students in the chambana community to VOTE online for student senate as well as the resolution on the student position on ‘The Chief’

    You know you have an opinion….let your voice be heard

    http://www2.uiuc.edu/elections/intro.html

    you can do it in about 30 seconds from your computer seat…don’t have to get up, don’t have to wait in line…so what are you waiting for? :-D”

    oh so cosmopolitan

    A nice weekend. Food and movies (and sleep) Friday night. Saturday was warm and sunny and snuggly. I did laundry, then Shawn came over and build my bookshelves – yay! We went to see The Dreamers at the Art Theatre after dinner at Nitaya Thai. We ended up meeting Hannah, Sara, and Adam there – a nice surprise. The Dreamers was sketch-tastic but ultimately lovely and a wonderful homage to the cinema. A reviewer referred to Lawrence Durrell as being drunk on words – I felt like I was drunk on images after watching The Dreamers. I put candles on my new shelves – the light played on the walls in such a lovely way, and it was terribly romantic. 🙂 We stayed in bed forever this morning, Shawn working on perfecting the book club site, along with his own. This afternoon we went to see A Raisin in the Sun at Krannert – somehow I’ve managed to not see or read this play, which is surprising. I enjoyed it, but Shawn’s right – it felt amateurish, despite the guest director and actress. We ran over to Espresso during the break, and managed to scrape together an order of $5.08 so I could use my debit card. It was a really nice moment, sitting on the steps, the wind in our hair, sharing a snack in the sunshine on a Sunday afternoon. I came home after the play and talked on the phone for a while – Erika, Hannah, and Sarah – I updated my recent reading on the book club site – now I think I’m going to write for a bit, then maybe take a bath.

    It was just really wonderful.