Happy Birthday, Shawn! 57,000,000 micromachines can’t tell you the half of it.

Thanksgiving was a beautiful, beautiful success. Everyone looked great – the food was wonderful – we finished cooking with plenty of time to relax – I didn’t butcher the turkey – no one was attacked by pie – everyone had much to be thankful for. Nick & Jessica’s peanut butter pumpkin soup was awesome – Amity whipped the cream by herself (naked?!?!) – Sara & Adam brought green bean casserole (my favorite) – Sam & Brian brought tasty cornmeal muffins – and Joan brought a tasty, tasty salad. Sarah, Hannah, Shawn, and I made turkey, tofurkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, broccoli, kugel, cranberry sauce, and allllllll the pies. Chris swapped nametags so as to hit on Amity as different people (including He-Man and Dirty, Dirty Aragorn) – the “kiddie table” sang along with Damien – and we all said the things we are thankful for. There was so much I wanted to say – but I couldn’t without crying – instead I said “I am thankful for the chance at a new beginning.” What I should have said:
I am thankful for Sarah, without whom I would not have survived.
I am thankful for Hannah and Amity and all my new friends and family here.
I am thankful for a roof over my head, food on my table, and money in the bank.
I am thankful for the possibility of grad school.
I am thankful for shelter and comfort and encouragement and peace and so much love.
I am thankful for my family and friends and all those who love me no matter what.
I am thankful for Shawn, who has given more to me than I could have ever asked or hoped for.

Woah, an interview with Damien on CNN.com!!!

OK, I digress. An exciting night. I just got home after cooking for approx 7 hours – starting at 5:30 with peeling potatoes, finishing around 12:30 with the last of the kitchen clean up. After consulting with her dad regarding her ever worsening cough and breathing, Sarah went to the ER with Hannah in tow. Shawn and I held down the fort, finished the cooking, and generally exempted ourselves from dish duty for tomorrow night. Sarah’s going to be fine and sounds worlds better already – we had fun cooking (though not so much when the pumpkin pie attacked), and tomorrow night is going to be wonderful.

Now – sleep.

Sitting around listening to David Gray and procrastinating. It’s late, and I should be asleep. Actually, I should be making satay, THEN sleeping. Instead I’m doing neither.

Went to a talk by the kid(s) behind FOUND Magazine tonight – it was damned funny. Apparently they have a book coming out in the spring, which I will definitely have to buy.

It’s been raining most of the day – cold, wet, fall rain. I walked from work to the Art & Design building for the talk tonight as the rain pelted my face, my hair, my clothes, soaking me to the bone. It felt like London again – the dark wet streets, the constant rain, the smile I couldn’t wipe off my face. I didn’t mind the cold and the wet – just, the rain on my face making me happy and peaceful.

I love the rain so much, even when it’s dismal. I love walking in the rain in the summertime – walking in the rain hand in hand, stopping to kiss in the downpour. I love the sound of rain outside my window as I go to sleep. I love the cool breezes that prick my skin during a storm.

And I love the way love is like a downpour, the way love pricks my skin, the way love brings soft noises to lull me to sleep. I want my kiss to linger like the summer rain.

It’s the end of a long weekend, and I’m tired.

It’s the end of a long weekend, and I’m tired. Friday night had dinner with Hannah and Shawn and watched Whale Rider – sweet. Had a brilliant thought and put my new mattress under the futon mattress when we got home – nice and soft and firm. Hoo-rah for sound and not-creaky sleep. Woke early to drive to Springfield to take the GRE – it sucked and the math part nearly made me cry, but I survived. Dinner with Shawn at Courier, then watched Gattaca (soooo pretty) and Arlington Road and went to bed late late – I think the upstairs kids were moving furniture or playing underwater soccer or something cos there was definitely commotion at 4:30am. A lazy day full of reading and lounging and lunch with the kids at Le Peep and not working on the NaNovel. Now it’s somewhat lateish and I’m tired – I should be writing, but I think I’m going to crash.

This is the toast I would like to give next Friday but will probably forget:

To absent friends
and present loves,
To a day off work
and a week off school,
To new lives and loves
and homes and jobs
and friends and novels
and challenges,
To Shawn on his birthday
And to Acadia for her new home,
To these I raise my glass.

So do I kill myself now….or do I wait for the rejection letter?

OK, maybe it wasn’t that bad.

OK, maybe it was.

OK, maybe I’m just tired and feeling funky.


Last night’s NaNo write-in was a lot of fun – Sarah, Shawn, Michelle, Emily, and Kathryn all brought food – we had quiche, an egg casserole, soup, cheese (yay, cheese!), crab dip, and brownies. Yum. Lots of writing and insanity ensued, and everyone’s a little further ahead.

Two days away from the GRE and I’m flat out terrified. Maybe I’d be less scared if I was doing any sort of preparation – but between writing and friends and food and all of that, I just haven’t had much awake time at the computer. I suppose I should stay home tonight instead of going to the MFA reading – but maybe I’ll just stay up and play with it afterwards.

The novel is coming, but slowly. At times it’s cathartic, and at others it’s just damned difficult. Why do I do this to myself? Oh yeah, cos I want the things I write to have weight and meaning – and cos I can’t write things that don’t. Which isn’t to say that the fun and crazy things my friends are writing are of any less value than my novel – just, I think I would get distracted and not be able to concentrate on something that didn’t have personal weight and value. But that’s just me.

Sarah’s putting Acadia up for adoption, as it were. I feel so bad for her – she’s agonized over this decision for so long – but I do think she’s doing the right thing. It will be hard and sad and a different type of exhaustion – but I think in the long run it will be the right thing.