not a family birthday

An interview from the terrific James:
1. If you could have one of the following powers, which would you choose: the ability to play all musical instruments as soon as you pick them up OR the ability to speak all foreign languages at will.
You know, that’s a tough one. I would really, really like to be a musical prodigy – but I think being able to speak any foreign language at will would be a more practical power. So really, as I don’t seem to be destined for rock stardom, I’m going with the languages. At least that’ll increase the chances of getting laid. 🙂
2. What was the first song you ever remember slow dancing to?
Oh lord. I remember “Hotel California” being on right when we walked in to Homecoming my Junior year. It was my first real dance – the gym looked amazing – and I had a great time. I do not, however, remember slow dancing so much as I remember all of us standing in a circle with our arms around each other singing along with “American Pie.” There must’ve been slow dances then and at other dances – but the first one I really remember was dancing with Dustin to “Wonderful Tonight” at Prom my Senior year.
3. When was the last time you laughed for so long that your stomach or face hurt? What was so funny?
I never laugh as much as I do when I’m around Amanda. The night before the housewarming party she and I laughed until we nearly pissed ourselves – about everything. One highlight: at one point we discovered that this giant grasshopper had taken up residence in my office. We tried to kill it. I smacked it down off the ceiling, then it proceeded to hop/fly away. Some manic smacking ensued, at which point it appeared to be dead. I scooped it up and put it in the trash – only to glance over half an hour later and see the fucker climbing back out of the trash! Amanda put on my shoe and stomped the hell out of it – we decided that if it came back to life, we were going to worship it. It didn’t, but we laughed a lot.
4. Would you rather be able to speed read or read lips?
Speed read, definitely. I’m sure reading lips has its benefits – but if I can’t hear what people are saying, chances are I don’t need to.
5. If you could move to any other state in the union, where would you move to and why?
I would really like to live on both coasts, but haven’t settled on any particular state. I haven’t done enough traveling as an adult to really get a feel for places that would suit me. Unfortunate but true. Any recommendations?

Heidi has started a blog! Hoo-rah! Welcome to the blogging world, kid.

Today I am officially tired of being a girl. The things that go along with being a girl suck so much at times. I won’t go into the fun little biological details – just, I get sick of having a female body sometimes. Not that I’d want to be a boy – just, whatever.

Ursula linked to this article, which sums up quite a quandary in my life and the lives of many people around me – the blogging world, if you will. What is public and what should be kept private? Believe it or not, there are a lot of things I keep just for me – things that I’m dying to write about yet I know this isn’t the right forum. One thing I’ve definitely learned in my year and a half of blogging is to choose my words wisely. Again, you might not believe that given the length of entries these days – but I do. I’ve written about things that were wholly inappropriate – and that has hurt people. I’m sorry. I’m trying to find the boundary line, and sometimes I stray over it. Please let me know if I do.

Not much else to report today, I guess. I had an exciting trip to the grocery store last night – my first real visit to Woodman’s. I’m a grocery tourist. It’s true. I had been to the liquor department there but never the actual grocery store part. Wicked exciting. I read more of The Gunslinger after talking to Sarah and Shawn, then went to bed early. Exciting times, these.

happy birthday, mark

Good Lord, moving is a pain in the arse. I could’ve told you that several times over – but this time it’s almost worse. At least when we moved into the house we had places to put our stuff – now I’m moving by carload – and each carload has to sit in my car until I can get to Sarah and Hannah’s. Which means that the stuff in my car will have to sit there until Friday night at the earliest. Ugh. I super appreciate Nate letting me come by last night – and all the packing he and Joe have done for me – but it still sucks to have yet another week with my car full of crap. And it’s not like my stuff has a home – it will just sit in the garage until I find a home. Which I am no
closer to than I was a week ago.

Reason #4,098,531 to love my sister: she brought me donuts from Edwards Apple Orchard.

Started reading The Gunslinger from The Dark Tower series last night after Dan AND Jim AND Shawn recommended it. Actually I wasn’t totally won over until Shawn sent the books home with me. Who am I to argue with loaned books? Really. Thus far it’s good – fairly engrossing, though some plot points are a bit plodding. I suppose I should just be grateful that there are no cars from another dimension…..yet.

happy birthday, mom

A nice weekend. Spent lots of time with Sarah and Shawn and Hannah – got to see Lucky, Mark, and Missy, however briefly. Mark’s house isn’t the hellhole he’s made it out to be – and Lucky’s hair is now orange. Hmm. I made Shawn watch The Hours – lost at Trivial Pursuit – was dragged along not unwillingly to an English department function – looked at apartments – fell in love with the Champaign Public Library despite some really weird organization things – bought some used books for cheap! – left late and arrived home exhausted but happy. I need more weekends like this. Being there and leaving just intensified my desire to be there all the time – to be able to do things like breakfast with friends and lunches out and wandering used bookstores and just being to the top of my bent. I’m tired in many ways but glad I went.

The apartment search has hopefully born fruit – I fell in love with an apartment on Church, just off this pretty little park, a block up from a Thai restaurant – within walking distance of just about everything, including the library. The bedroom has big windows and was full of sunlight in mid-afternoon – the living room and kitchen are cool – and the shower head does NOT stop at my shoulder. That’s a big plus. I could see being very happy there – really making the place my own. I’m hoping it works out. It would be too too miraculous.
One thing I didn’t accomplish this weekend was any reading – which in the grand scheme of things is alright. I picked up Lust by Susan Minot, Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto, a collected volume of the Chretien romances, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa (recommended to me by Jason Watts last Septober 41st), and Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks. In addition to those, I bought some books at the library for $1.00. AND Shawn lent me a new stack in addition to the existing stack. It’s so nice to have books flowing into my life again, though I’m getting desperately behind. Oh, and today Ylda returned my copy of The Hours. I heart books. They make me so happy.
Responses from Diva Kate, who has not started a blog:
1. What is the best thing about living in Tejas other
than your family?

i loved the idea of starting over completely in a new place where no one knew me for who i USED to be. since i’ve moved down here i have found a real sense of who i truly am (cheesy but true)
2. Describe the ultimate Diva Kate Punk Rock Show.
here’s what i’m thinking. live band in the upstairs of my house, with me dancing around in my underwear (duh) and waking up my ENTIRE family. oh, and it would be broadcast on mtv and in the middle of times square.
3. Why journalism instead of interior design?
because i need to write more than i need to breathe. and i hate details, being the big-picture kind of girl that i am. and let me tell you, interior design is ALL about details.
4. Why pirates?
well, why not? a good buccaneer has a creative vocabulary (including vast references to “booty”), colorful wardrobe, and the ability to make anyone who opposes me walk the plank.
5. Where do you see yourself in five years?
in five years i should be either finishing up or finished with grad. school, residing on the east coast and doing MUCH overseas travel for my happening career as a magazine writer. i’ll definitely still be single. possibly even starting to work my way up to editor of a small indie mag?
Great answers. Rock. Back to work. It’d be nice to accomplish something.


I forgot that, oh yeah, everyone wants interview questions. A good thing to keep me busy. Enjoy, kids.
An interview for Kate, the most fabulous diva ever:
1. What is the best thing about living in Tejas other than your family?
2. Describe the ultimate Diva Kate Punk Rock Show.
3. Why journalism instead of interior design?
4. Why pirates?
5. Where do you see yourself in five years?

An interview for The D, as published by Vinny the Fish:
1. Again, explain the difference between house and techno.
2. Why come back to Rockford after SIU? Why stay here?
3. How do you sleep? (As in, on your back, on your side, wearing pants, etc.)
4. If you were a Chuck Palahniuk character, who would you be? Really think about this one.
5. Who is more scandalous: you or Scandalous Pants? And why?

An interview for Heidi, the original Aussie PW, to inaugurate her to-be-announced blog:
1. I know you’re very proud to be an Aussie. Tell me five great things about being Australian.
2. What’s your favorite food memory of America?
3. Jeff Martin, Jeff Burrows, or Stuart Chatwood? and why?
4. You’ve been travelling intermittently since I met you. Where’s your favorite place and why?
5. Give me a good “Hello America” opener.

I fell down Jen’s stairs last night. That was exciting and now my ass is sore. Not so exciting.

Finished Lullaby last night, which was really fucking good. Not as messed up as Choke, which is good cos I don’t think I could handle much more of that particular brand of insanity. Can’t decide if Chuck is totally fucking insane – or really, really normal. I’m leaning towards the former. This total reading blitz has been nice – I’m almost done with Letters to a Young Poet and will probably start The Gold Bug Variations today.
I told my mom last night. I cried and cried and cried. I was so worried about disappointing them – I’ve always been worried about that – and I know that in doing what I’ve done, I’ve seriously let them down. I asked “Do you still love me?” Mom said “Yes, of course. Just because we’re disappointed doesn’t stop us from loving you. Or taking care of you. Or coming alongside our child when she’s hurting.” That was the answer I knew she’d give – but it was good to actually hear it. I told her I wanted them to take back the money they’d given us for the house – instead of it coming out of the remainder of my “college fund,” my dad had just given us the money outright. I know he wanted me to have the other money in case of an emergency – but I can’t feel right about that. I’m willing to take that loss. It’s not a pride thing – it’s a “my parents wasted a huge amount of money” thing. I don’t think I’ll recoup the down payment from Nate – I don’t really want to. I mean, it’d be nice to have the money, but I’m not that worried about it. It’s just one more hardship for him that I don’t want to inflict.
So today I’m feeling a little beat up emotionally and physically. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m going to therapy this afternoon.

an interview

An interview for Sarah, one for each year of our friendship:
1. What exactly is a shrinkle?
2. What does being Canadian mean to you?
3. We’ve talked about tattoos but I don’t think we’ve talked about piercings. If you were to get a body piercing, what would you get? (And no, you can’t just say “But I don’t want any!”)
4. What is your favorite memory of me? (a popular question)
5. We’ve talked about going on vacation together. Where would you like to go if money and time were no object?
6. What are the five best things about being in grad school?
7. In what ways do you feel you’ve grown the most in the last nine years?
8. Remember sitting at the Phish concert reciting the major publishers and their ISBN prefixes? Yup, we’re geeks. What’s the prefix for Chronicle?
9. What do you need most from me?

This site took my breath away. I don’t know anything about the author other than what she’s listed on her site – and the fact that she links to me. But please, go read. It’s incredible. And so is this, which I know I’ve linked before, but it still astonishes and moves me.
Not much else to say today. Feeling particularly homeless, despite my sister’s best intentions. Nate wants his keys back by week’s end – and has already started to work out the divorce. We’re trying to work out the details of who gets what.
I finished Choke, last night and am now halfway through Lullaby, after which I’m going to STOP reading Chuck and go back to the stack of books from Shawn that are taking up so much room in my bag.

at work

An interview for Ada:
1. How did you and D meet?
2. What is your favorite holiday cookie or treat? And yes, it can be any holiday and any kind of treat.
3. What is your personal philosophy?
4. How do you feel about pirates?
5. What do you wish you would’ve done before Franklin was born?

Good news: it has been approximately five days since I cried at work. Not so good news: I was off work for three of those days due to the weekend. So I suppose it’s been approximately two days since I cried at work. Really, that’s not so great.
Reading update: I’m almost done with Choke, which can’t be helping my mood. Choke, not being almost done.

a new life

I suppose this isn’t the best venue to make this announcement, but other people already have. Nate and I have separated. I’m living with Jen and Cassie until I can find an apartment. My plan at the moment is to move to Champaign and start over. We have hardly begun to tell people – I haven’t even told my family. They knew I’ve been staying with Jen and that things have been rocky – but they don’t know that I’m not going home. So if you’re reading this, please don’t go out and call my mom. There’s been a lot going on. I’m tired and just wanting to get on with my life. I love him but I can’t go home. It’s like after years of searching, life has found me and I can’t turn my back on it this time. How to explain?
On the bright side, I finally finished Galatea 2.2 and am almost done with Letters to a Young Poet, which is absolutely awesome and is touching me in so many ways.