loss

Carol passed away tonight. It was an easy passing – apparently. She didn’t suffer much in the end. It’s hard to be really sad right now cos she was in so much pain for so long.

memento mori

My godmother will die today.

Rather, the woman who would have been my godmother will die today. Not being Catholic, she’s the closest thing I have to a godparent. Carol Johnson. We became friends in 1985 when she became a patient of my father’s. Somehow or other we connected – she had only one child, a daughter already grown, and longed for grandchildren she didn’t have. My grandparents were far away. We went out for ice cream at The Last Straw. Thus began a long and lasting friendship.

And today she is in the hospital, battling what will most likely be her last cancer – I don’t know the entire roll call, but it has included both breast and brain cancer in the 18 years I’ve known her. By her side is Roger, her husband of 55 years – we share the same wedding day – and her daughter, recently returned. Roger and Carol’s marriage has been such an inspiration to me – they’ve traveled the world together, had all sorts of interesting adventures, and when her health failed, he was there. When she had to learn to walk again, he danced with her in the kitchen. I’ve been reading John Bayley’s Iris and her Friends and Roger and Carol have been on my mind.

And now she’s passing. And I don’t know if I can go. I can go – I have time – but I don’t know if I can.

And in light of all this, it seems very selfish to still be excited about seeing Pigface tonight.

updates

On the recommendation of the wise reviewer, I have added a tool that allows readers to comment without having to sign the guestbook. Now, I’m loathe to direct anyone AWAY from the guestbook, but it is a v. good idea. Readers, please comment and make this updating worth my while!!!

It’s snowing again – or at least blowing. Ick. I’m so ready for summer to come.

I have the digital camera for just a few more days – I need to make it worth my while. I decided I was going to keep it til the batteries I put in it die. Which should be soon. So expect some photos of Sunday’s dinner party. 🙂 I really do want to get my photos back up – but I’m not sure how to go about doing it. I don’t want to flood my lovely hostess’s space with all my photos – but I don’t want to have to link across to Geocities or something. Any ideas? I have all these hilarious and wonderful photos from my bachelorette party that I really want to put up – as well as just a slew of other things.

Adrienne leaves for her cross country trek in a few days. I wish her the best of luck and may the goddess of Bad Girls guide her way. 🙂

I’ve been thinking about perhaps writing about our book club books for the Hunky Dories site. I don’t know. Now that they want me to do something, I’m devoid of ideas! Boo. Anyway, I’m more than halfway through Possession and am loving every minute of it. I seriously need to get my arse in gear and start writing about the things I’m reading again – I have these long and drawn out things hidden away in my email here and there – but nothing posted. Must get to that.

But right now I’m waiting for my sushi to arrive and then I’m going to sink into the tub and wallow in the warmth and quiet for a while.

will write for clothes (or food or money or sex or wine or whatever)

The Friday Five:
1. What was the last song you heard?
I don’t know but I have a song stuck in my head – don’t know the name of it but the line is “If this ain’t love why does it feel so good?”
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
In the theatre? Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and The Hours
At home? The Count of Monte Cristo and Sorority Boys
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
A silky green shirt with some embroidery on the button placket, a silky long blue shirt with crazy ivory-ish buttons and biig pockets, and a fabbo birthday present for a certain Texas diva (yes, I know it’s months away)
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Do the dishes, clean the kitchen, vaccuum, and rock. Definitely rock. Rocking is on the program.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Nate, Kris, the two waitresses at Sal’s (Jen + ?), and Jen

Today has been a nice day, thus far. I worked until 1, then got cash and went to lunch at Sal’s Diner. Sal’s is this little hole in the wall diner down by the river, in the same block as Hunky Dories. I had a cup of coffee, a bowl of cream of potato soup, and a chicken salad sandwich. It was wonderful! I’ve been meaning to go there for years but every time I’ve stopped they’ve been closed. Anyway, I loved it – and if I’m ever that way before 2, I’m going to go again. For $6.60, I had a pleasantly filling meal – I paid with a $10 and left all my change for the waitress, who was so nice.
After lunch I went to Hunky Dories and chatted with Kris – they’re definitely interested in me writing something for their website – and they’re going to pay me!!! I was totally willing to write just to be included – but I will definitely take money or clothes for my pains. I want to be part of something – a creative entity – doing something that others see and take note of. This is unprecedented! They went to my site, they read my stuff, and now they’re interested in paying me for my writing! Aaaahhh! In all fairness, I did volunteer – but still!

And I just talked to Sarah for almost an hour and a half about everything – politics, war, literature, teaching, the nature of democracy, etc. It was so good.

Now I’m just waiting for N to get home – we’re going to his parents’ for a little while, then to this little pizza joint in Beloit – Tilly’s – for amazing thin crust pizza.

Later….
I’ve been reviewed on The Weblog Review. I really agree with everything the reviewer said. They were v. fair. Thank you Weblog Review!!

brrrr

It is bitterly cold here. For the third day in a row, our heat is out. I suppose that’s a bit misleading. The heater died on Sunday and was out all of Monday. Our landlord got it fixed – kind of – Monday night late so we were warm on Tuesday – then he went to replace the busted part last night and now it’s broken again. And it’s supposed to get down to 7 Fahrenheit tonight. Dan tells me that if an apartment has no heat, the landlord is supposed to pay for a hotel room for the night. I’m going to call whatever governing board takes care of landlords and tenants and find out what our rights are. I don’t want to fuck our landlord – but I don’t want to spend another night freezing. Honestly, I’m more worried about our cats than us – we can turn on the oven or take hot showers or huddle together under piles of blankets. The kitties don’t have the same luxuries – and besides, they’re so small! We could just go to my parents’ – but my dad’s allergic to the cats and I won’t leave them behind if it’s this bitterly cold.

Update: Landlord Mark figured out what was wrong – duh – and is coming back tonight to put the ORIGINAL gas valve back in. That’s right, he’s replaced it twice, and the only one that works is the one that was there to begin with. Ugh.

Please bid on my auctions. I’m not in desperate need of the money so much as I want to move this stuff. Oh, and I want to visit Kate in Texas. So maybe I do need the money. Thanks.